my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
