so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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