This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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