David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
