Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
