I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
