today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
