I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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