i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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