saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Someone shit on the floor
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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