Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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