Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
