Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
