I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found puke in my bra..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
