I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
