before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
