I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
