You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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