I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
