Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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