The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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