i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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