He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We named our party play list daddy issues
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
