If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize