I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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