i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
