I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
