The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
