I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
two words...techno handjob
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
