Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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