You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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