yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
