Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
