Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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