The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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