Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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