The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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