Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
