I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
