I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
