I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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