ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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