ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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