I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
