I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
