I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
