Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize