I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
