Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
