Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize