i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
