If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
