He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
