finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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