once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
