U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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