yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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