I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
