I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
