Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do vagina's smell?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
