Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize