The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize