You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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