Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
