Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
