I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
