So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
