i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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