youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
