Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize