Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
